So close...yet so far.

Not much has happened in the last couple of months. Dialysis has been the same. Life is as "normal" as it can be. I've been getting my levels under control. My phosphorus and potassium were high the last time I wrote on the blog. This time around my levels are almost in the perfect range. Just a few points down on the scale and I will be good. I haven't had any episodes where I almost pass out. I've gotten a few headaches here and there, but nothing serious. All in all, dialysis is just...well...dialysis. I did have a very interesting day. Well, more like the longest day of my life.
  Roughly a month ago I came home from dialysis. I did my usual routine. Got a quick bite to eat, laid in bed, and slept until I felt better. It wasn't until my mother came home that things got a little hectic. You see, she came into my room almost busting down my door. "Did you know that the hospital called about a kidney for you?!" She said this in a tone like I forgot to tell her something. Fact is, they called my house and I never check the answering machine because most of the time it's not for me. This time it was for me.
  The doctors called and said that there was a possible kidney for me and to call them back. I called the doctors back, after three transfers to different departments. They said that there was a kidney that will be available. Key issue is that the person had a lot of transfusions so it was considered high risk. Knowing my curiosity I asked why. The person had technically not died yet. They were on life support. They were in an accident and needed a few transfusions, but it didn't help the cause. The person would die at any moment. Of course, just because there were transfusions doesn't mean that the kidney was damaged.
  The first thing that crossed my mind, sadly, was that I was going to get a kidney. Then it hit me. Someone's family is going to have to say goodbye to a son/daughter today. My heart sunk. I want a kidney but not at the expense of someone dying. I thought, "Is my life more important than this person's life? Would I want to live my life knowing that I have a kidney because of a families loss?" This thought has passed my mind hundreds of times. Does someone really have to die just because I want to live? It's a double edge sword.
  After consulting with the doctor on what I should do, I said yes to the kidney. Problem is, that there is someone ahead of me with the same blood type and tissue type. They were on the list longer then me. So, if they also said yes then they would get the kidney before me. We would not know until the tissue typing test came back and said it was a match for the both of us. Nearly twelve hours later I got the call that the kidney was a tissue match, but the other person decided to get the kidney.
  After I heard it I felt like I got punched in the gut. I was so close yet so far to having a kidney. I put on a brave face and told my mom and fiance what happened. That only lasted for 10 minutes. I finally broke down. I was angry, upset, and a little confused. Why couldn't I get the kidney? Why would they call if someone was ahead of me? Don't you think they should just call if I was actually going to get it? All these thoughts crossed my mind as my spirit, mind, and what felt like my body broke down. It took me a while but I was finally consoled. I just repeated the same phrased in my head over and over. "Next time, for sure!"
  So the moral of the story? Well kids, here it goes. DONATE WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE!! Why wait to donate a kidney or another organ when you are perfectly healthy right now? There are so many factors that put an organ out of the running when you die. Be it cancer, an accident, or some other tragedy. All these things can be avoided if you donate while you are alive. Save someone's life while you are still alive to see the look on the person's face when they receive the gift of life. Not only will you be saving a person's life, but you will be adding a purpose to yours.